Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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