I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
