Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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