haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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