New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
