no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
