he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
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I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
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This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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