I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
