he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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