My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
