dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize
