apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
