You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize