I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
