I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
