It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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