Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He uses pillows to masturbate.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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