Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
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Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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