My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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