I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
