Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
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Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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