eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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