so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
