There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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