Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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