hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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