I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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