He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
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