well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
