I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
