im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
We need to rekindle our bromance
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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