to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
