I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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