Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
how does that bad decision feel?
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