i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
