wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
