You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
