Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
