8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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