Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
That reminds me...we need to get swords
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
