how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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