my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
