Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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