Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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