so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
