i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
