On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
