I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
