I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
