I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
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I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
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Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
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