at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize